Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Late For The Couch

    Late For The Couch

    I need to get out of this bed or I’m going to be late for the couch

  • Sexual Innuendos Hard

    Sexual Innuendos Hard

    I TRY TO AVOID MAKING SEXUAL INNUENDOS

    BUT IT’S HARD

  • Spicy Butt Pancakes

    Spicy Butt Pancakes

    DEEP THOUGHT: Why is spicy the only flavor my butt can detect?

    Why can’t I eat pancakes and then 14 hours later be like OOH PANCAKES AGAIN

  • Sunbathe On The Roof

    Sunbathe On The Roof

    I’m not allowed to sunbathe on the roof anymore

  • So Big Fuck U

    So Big Fuck U

    [about to have sex]

    her: ur so big

    me: [putting my shirt back on] fuck u

  • 500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College

    Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.

  • How’s It Hangin

    If you ever make the grueling trek to speak to the wise old man who lives at the top of the mountain and he lets you ask one question of him, don’t make the mistake I did and blurt out, “How’s it hangin’?”

  • Toilet-Training Transferability

    As I watched my two-year-old drag his naked bottom across the carpet, I realized that perhaps I overestimated the transferability of the toilet-training skills I had initially honed with our puppies.

  • Insufficient Funds ATM

    Insufficient Funds ATM

    I think banks should do a better job by keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fifth one I’ve been to, kept saying “insufficient funds” 🙄😐