In other news, there’s a new dating app that caters to arsonists.
Every week you get new matches!
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Penny in Sunday School
Penny was never the best Sunday school student. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble.
“Penny,” the Sunday school teacher asked, one dozing day. “Who created the universe?”
When she didn’t stir, Mark, who sat behind her, poked her in the rear with his pencil.
“God Almighty!” shouted Penny, and the teacher said, “Very good.”
A while later the teacher asked, “Penny, who is our savior?” But again Penny didn’t stir from her slumber.
Mark poked her again with his pencil. “JESUS Christ!” exclaimed Penny.
“Very well done,” said the teacher, impressed by her enthusiasm.
Then after she fell asleep again the teacher asked her a third question: “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty third child?” and again, Mark jabbed her with the pencil.
This time Penny jumped up and shouted, “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!”
The teacher fainted.
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A Quiet Night in the Parking Spot
A cop was patrolling at night in a well known area for “parking.” He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window.
“Yes, officer?”
“What are you doing?”
“Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, “And her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugged, “I believe she’s knitting a pullover.”
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening!
“What’s your age, young man?”
“I’m 22, sir.”
“And her, what’s her age?”
The young man looks at his watch and said, “She’ll be 18 in 20 minutes.”
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Did You Call for Me
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A nice looking redhead walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, “Did you call for me?” The man replies, “No, what do you mean?” She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts and within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him and says, “Did you call for me?” The newcomer replies, “No, what do you mean?” The hairy man replies, “You must be new. It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins the newcomer around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist and she says, “May I help you?” The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee!” She replies, “But Sir, you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.” The man replies, “Listen lady, I’m an older guy. I only get an erection once a month and I fart 35 times a day.”
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Oral Sex Aint Much Fun
A hillbilly couple is lying in bed.
Otis turns to his wife and says, “Fuck you.”
A minute goes by and then Rita Mae turns to Otis and says, “Fuck you.”
Another couple of minutes pass and Otis says, “Fuck you” again to his wife.
This back and forth goes on for a bit longer when Otis finally turns to his wife and says, “You know, oral sex ain’t much fun.”
