Tone: shocking

Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Abortion Is a Difficult Topic

    Abortion Is a Difficult Topic

    What is your opinion on abortion?

    Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

    On the one hand I support it because it kills children.

    On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

  • That Moth Had a Big Cock

    I was driving along with my young son when we noticed a car driving erratically ahead of us. As we pulled alongside it, ready to overtake, the window came down and a massive dildo — sixteen inches if it was a day — came flying out the window and smacked into our windscreen before flying off to the curb side.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    My son looked confused for a second before asking, “What was that, Dad?”

    I had to think quick. “That was a moth,” I replied. “Just a moth.”

    He thought about it for a while and said, “Fuck, that moth had a big cock, eh Dad!”

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  • Gay Best Friend

    Gay Best Friend

    Daemon Blackfyre @nekuLDN

    If my girlfriend ever has a “gay best friend”, that nigga better suck my dick to prove it

  • This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma

    Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn’t realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one day I decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to “Eye of the Tiger” trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn’t hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I’m Screaming in pain, and My grandmother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I’m in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that I’ve killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics, one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing. Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven’t made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes

  • Fatherly Bubble

    Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”

  • The Thanksgiving Turkey Guts

    A husband and wife married for many years — every morning the husband wakes up and lets out a thunderous fart, then cackles. One day she glares at him and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to shit your guts out.” He shrugs it off and they go about life.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Come around to Thanksgiving, the wife is downstairs prepping a turkey for dinner, husband is sleeping upstairs in bed. As she pulls the turkey’s guts out, she gets a clever idea, and sneaks upstairs holding a small handful of the turkey’s guts. She tucks them into her husband’s underwear.

    She goes back downstairs and continues to cook. A short while later, the husband wakes up. She hears his usual morning fart, his cackle, then dead silence.

    A few minutes later the husband comes down the stairs. He is pale, shaking a little, and looks like a deer in the headlights.

    “Is everything okay, dear?” she asks without missing a beat.

    “Well, yea,” the husband says. “But you were right, I did shit my guts out. But with these two fingers and a little determination, I got them back up in there.”

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  • Polly’s Tree Climbing

    Polly went home happy and told her mum how she’d earned $50 by climbing a tree.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Her mum replied, “Sweetie — they just wanted to see your knickers.”

    To which Polly replied, “No, look, Mom, I was clever, I took them off!”

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  • Cooking With Semen

    Cooking With Semen

    COOKING WITH SEMEN

    50 DELICIOUS RECIPES

    SHAUN BOLT

  • Deaf Kid Orgy

    Deaf Kid Orgy

    Me and the boys: *putting up random hand gang signs in class*

    The deaf kid wondering why we’re planning an orgy with the class pet:

  • Prostate Exam

    Prostate Exam

    Dr: you need to stop masturbating

    Me: for how long?

    Dr: at least until I finish your prostate exam

    Me: fair enough