AND THUS SAYETH THE LORD,
YOU FUCKIN’ WANT ONE?
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Human Anus Can Stretch Up to 7 Inches – You Can Take Almost Two Full Raccoons Up Your Ass
☀MissMorningstar☀ @KeeperOfDankniz
The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Believe in yourself.
10:27 PM · 10 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android
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The Top 17 Tweets From President Trump
17. Winning! Winners win. And I’m a winner who wins, believe me. #ohfucknowwhatdoido
16. My huuuge hands typing this from the Oval Office! #HowYouLikeMeNowHillary
15. Nobody told me the White House was such a dump. Not a single gold toilet. Sad. #3rdWorld
14. Why do they call it the White House when the kitchen is full of Hispanics? #TrumpHouse
13. @SCOTUS You’re Fired! #TreatGovernmentLikeBusiness
12. #100days: abolish Obamacare, export all illegal immigrants, mount Paul Ryan’s balls in the Oval Office #sweetrevenge
11. @PutinRF_Eng Lincoln bedroom stocked with #Stoli; waiting for your arrival #USARUS
10. White House? Not on my watch. 2,600 gallons of gold gilt paint on the way! #Glitterpalooza #BlingHouse
9. Note to self: thank Kellyanne Conway, notify her she won’t be paid.
8. Just sold Washington Monument to China #suckers #shippingisextra
7. Got the nuclear codes, so excited: 398236. #watchoutisis #makeamericaglowagain
6. Melania looks stunning lying naked on the Oval Office’s new polar bear-skin rug, trust me. #MakingAmericaBoneAgain #Bigly
5. WTF? Canada’s Prime Minister keeps calling, saying USA needs to pay for his wall.
4. WH needs new housekeepers. @AliciaMachado, job is yours if you can drop 20 lbs!
3. Just sent my homey @Comey a thank you gift: orange jumpsuit for @Hillary. #orangeisthenewpantsuit
2. That Lincoln bedroom is SO uncomfortable. No wonder he shot himself. #HoleInTheHead #LumpyMattress
1. First official act: Lady Liberty loses the burka, shows some leg, gets bigger tits #StatueOfLame #6atBest
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Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me
I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together! -
You Can Get Your Butthole Turned Into Chocolates – Edible Anus
umm wtf?? You can get your butthole turned into chocolates 😂
‘Edible Anus’ Company Makes Chocolate Molds of Your (Or a Loved One’s) Butthole
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What Do People Call the Day I Was Crucified? Good Friday. What the FUCK.
What do people call the day I was crucified?
Good Friday.
Yeah, we call it Good Friday!
What the FUCK.
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Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
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I Masturbate Loud as Hell – Go to a Different Olive Garden
i masturbate loud as hell and if you don’t like that then go to a different olive garden
