Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks, “Excuse me, do you have any widdle wabbits?”
The shopkeeper’s heart melts. He gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and says, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft fluffy widdle wabbit, or one like that brown one over there?”
The little girl blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, “I don’t weally fink my anaconda gives a phuc.”
An old guy from the countryside visits New York for the first time. He’s never seen so many cars, and he’s never been in one.
He gets into a cab and starts asking the driver questions.
“What’s that wheel for?”
“That’s the steering wheel,” the driver says. “It lets me change direction.” He gives a quick demonstration, turning down a side street.
“What about that button?”
“That’s the horn. I use it to warn people.” He honks twice.
“And what’s that?” the old man asks, pointing at the Mercedes emblem on the hood.
“That’s a sight,” says the driver, deciding to have some fun. “It helps me aim at the people I want to run over.”
With that, he lines up a pedestrian crossing the street, speeds up, then swerves at the last second.
Suddenly… Bang! A loud crash comes from the side of the car.
“Well,” says the old man, “you’ve got all these fancy gadgets, but you would’ve missed him if I hadn’t opened the door.”
A guy golfing with his wife gets to the first par 3 on the course. He lines up the shot, takes a swing and slices it way right of the green — landing behind a barn!
He walks up to his ball and sees that he doesn’t have a shot to the hole because there’s a giant barn in the way.
His wife chimes in: “Honey, why don’t you open up the front doors of the barn, I’ll open up the back doors, you’ll have a perfectly clear shot to the hole, and you can save par!”
It was an amazing idea.
So they open the doors and sure enough he has a perfect shot to the hole. He lines up the shot, takes a swing, shanks it badly, the ball ricochets off the barn, hits his wife in the head and KILLS her instantly!
Years later, after remarrying, he takes his new wife to the same course.
When he gets to the par 3 he takes his shot, slicing the ball way right, again landing directly behind the barn! Furious with himself, he walks up to the ball and just stands over his shot.
His new wife says, “Honey, I have an amazing idea! Why don’t you open the front doors of the barn, I will open the…”
The husband interrupts her — “WOAH HEY WHOA WHOA WHOA, WAIT A SECOND! The last time I did that on this hole, I wound up making a triple bogey!”
A 7-year-old and a 4-year-old are in their bedroom.
“You know what?” says the 7-year-old. “I think it’s time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’ll swear first, then you.”
“Okay,” replies the 4-year-old.
In the kitchen, when the mother asks the 7-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he answers, “I’ll have Coco Pops, bitch.” WHACK! He goes flying out of his chair, crying his eyes out.
The mother looks at the 4-year-old and sternly asks, “And what do you want?”
“Dunno,” he replies, “but it won’t be fucking Coco Pops.”
