Tone: silly

Silly humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • He’s Not Even A Member Of This Club.

    Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

    He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. ‘He’s not my husband,’ she says.

    He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he’s passing. ‘He’s not my husband either.’

    She says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. ‘Wait a minute,’ she says. ‘He’s not even a member of this club.’

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  • Cider for the Pain

    A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: “Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!” she wailed.

    “Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mom.

    “I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away!”

    Confused, but weary of the child’s whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.

    “Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.

    “What are you talking about?” asked her increasingly perplexed parent, “What ever made you think that cider would ease your pain?”

    “Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”

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  • Blind Date’s Unusual Amusement Park Obsession

    A young man took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked.

    “I wanna get weighed,” she said.

    So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

    “One-twelve,” said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

    “I wanna get weighed,” she said.

    I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?”

    “Wousy,” said the girl.

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  • Three Prisoners Make Animal Sounds

    Three men escape from prison. The first tells the others that the security will soon be looking for them.

    So, he suggests that each one of them climb a tree, and when the guards come, to make animal sounds and hopefully they will move on. All agree, and they all climb into different trees and try to hide.

    A while later, security guards arrive and began searching. They thought they saw something in the first man’s tree, so they shine their flashlight into the branches and say “Anyone UP there?” “Tweet, Tweet” comes from the tree, so one of the guards says “Oh, it’s only a bird!, move on.” The guards then look into another tree and says “Anyone UP there?” and the second man replies

    “Whhoo, Whhoo”. “Ah! It’s only an owl!, lets go!” The guards proceed to look at the next tree, and ask “I wonder if one of the prisoners are up there?”

    Shining the flashlight, they listened intently…

    “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

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  • Sofishticated

    What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

    Sofishticated.

  • Step Car

    Step Car

    W-what are you doing step car?

  • Clogs In Toilet

    Clogs In Toilet

    Wooden clogs in a toilet bowl.

  • Hills Alive Skeet Skeet

    Hills Alive Skeet Skeet

    the hills are alive with the sound of music

    Aw skeet skeet mothafuckaaaaaaaaa

  • A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A taxonomic classification of unicorns in the wild: the standard model, the heavy assault variant, and the high-speed submersible edition.

  • Boop Boop Uber Here

    Boop Boop Uber Here

    boop boop uber here

    wtf, greg