I KNOW ITS CHEESY
BUT I FEEL GRATE
Tone: silly
Silly humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Eat the Sauce
I wonder if the French word for “eat” is “app,” ’cause then the word “applesauce” would be “eat-the-sauce” in France, and I bet those dirty French would hate that.
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Five Blank Copies
Several years ago there was an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of typing paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
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Signs You Have a Drinking Problem
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group.
Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth … now THAT’S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every person you see has an exact twin.
You fall off the floor.
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger — to heck with dinner!
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
Bill Clinton starts to make sense….
Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you. (*No pun intended.)
At an AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is … uh …”
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in.
“Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.”
Roseanne looks good.
Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
“BeerTender! Get me another Bar!”
The shrubbery’s drunk too — from frequent watering.
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Eats That Many Trains
My personal trainer said he eats five big meals and trains six days a week.
I have no idea how he eats that many trains.
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A fart is a wish your turd makes
A fart is a wish your turd makes.
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hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * *
hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * * Did you catch that? I just farted in Braille!
