Tone: silly
Silly humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Top 13 Signs You’re a Man Trapped in a Woman’s Body (Part II)
13. Three drinks into the bachelorette party, you’ve got a bridesmaid in a headlock telling her how much you love her.
12. If you can locate the sink in under two minutes, the bathroom is clean enough.
11. You’re having trouble grasping the concept of “too much porn.”
10. Late to your wedding because of wardrobe issues? No. Feeling overly emotional? Hardly. Wouldn’t stop to ask for directions? Bingo.
9. Even though it’s only for men, you take Levitra because Ditka’s word is gospel.
8. You use a glue gun to make sure the toilet seat stays up.
7. You constantly scratch your crotch and “adjust” yourself to get comfortable — in line at Starbucks.
6. You just can’t seem to watch Baywatch with your mouth closed.
5. You’re the only woman in the office who heads to the restroom with a full coffee mug and the USA Today sports section.
4. Your friends find you drunk in the restroom yelling, “Show us yer tits!” at the lavatory mirror.
3. Those tiny bits of chaw stuck in your lipstick.
2. You have a fine appreciation for the subtle genius and brilliant comic timing that is Andrew Dice Clay.
And Topfive.com’s number one sign you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body…
1. You haven’t been invited for a girls’ night out since your infamous “farting the alphabet” incident.
-
Top 16 Reindeer Mob Nicknames
16. Rudolph “Bloody Nose” Valentino
15. Dancer “On Your Grave” Zamboni
14. Rudolph “Red Light District” Gambini
13. Dancer “Crazy Legs” Baryshnikov
12. Dancer “With the Fishes” Rigatoni
11. Prancer “The Florist” DiFlamingo
10. Prancer “Twinkle Toes” Balleria
9. Comet “The Cleaner” Colombo
8. Cupid “Kiss of Death” Donnitelli
7. Blitzen “The Mad Bavarian” Schultz
6. Donner “Teflon Donner” Gotti
5. Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani
4. Donner “Party” Cannibali
3. Dancer “Tiny” Eltonjohni
2. Vixen “The Big Antler” De Luca
And the number one Reindeer Mob nickname…
1. Donner “Chimney Plugger” Terrazzo
-
Knitting While Speeding: A Hair-Raising Chase!
A patrol car is sitting on the side of the highway when a car speeds past at an alarming rate.
The patrol car takes off in pursuit, comes up beside the car, and looks across at the blonde driving. He notices she is knitting.
The cop turns on his lights and siren, and the blonde continues to knit, oblivious to her surroundings.
The cop winds down his window and uses a bullhorn to get the blonde’s attention, yelling, “Pull over!”
The blonde looks across at the cop, takes a second to answer, and finally says, “No! It’s a scarf!”
