Tone: silly

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandpa, who lived alone way out in the country.

The first morning, Grandpa prepared a big breakfast of bacon and eggs. As John sat down to eat, he noticed a strange film on his plate.

“Grandpa,” he asked cautiously, “are these plates clean?”

Grandpa looked at him and replied, “They’s as clean as cold water can get ’em.”

John decided not to argue and ate his breakfast.

At lunchtime, Grandpa made hamburgers. As John sat down, he noticed what appeared to be a few dried bits of egg stuck to his plate.

“Grandpa,” he said, “are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up, Grandpa replied, “Like I said at breakfast, them dishes are as clean as cold water can get ’em.”

John reluctantly ate his hamburger.

That evening, Grandpa served dinner. John examined his plate very carefully and noticed what looked suspiciously like a smear of mustard left over from his lunch.

“Grandpa,” John said, trying to remain polite, “are you sure the dishes are clean?”

Grandpa looked up, a little annoyed.

“Consarn it! Like I told you, they’s as clean as cold water can get ’em!”

John figured there was no point arguing with Grandpa and finished his meal.

The next morning, John got up early to head home. He thanked Grandpa for the visit, grabbed his bags, and headed for the front door. But as he reached the doorway, Grandpa’s dog suddenly started growling and blocking his way. John stepped back and called out, “Grandpa! Your dog won’t let me get by!”

Grandpa looked over at the dog and said, “Cold Water, go lie down!”