*RING* “Hello?” “What’s up?” “Aw, man, I was right in the middle of masturbating.” “Then why’d you answer?” “I thought it might be my mom.”
Tone: unexpected
Unexpected humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
My Shit Doesn’t Stink
The doctor asks the man, “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
The man says, “Well doc, this is gonna sound a little weird. I wasn’t even sure if I should come to you about it, but you know what they say, better safe than sorry!”
The doctor says, “I’ve heard everything there is. Out with it, man, what seems to be the problem?”
The man says, “Well doc, here’s the thing. My shit doesn’t stink anymore.”
“Your shit doesn’t stink anymore?” the doctor repeats back as a question.
“Yes sir. I noticed it a month ago in late April. I was sitting down for my regular morning shit. Everything went well — firm, good size, came right out nice and smooth — and that’s when I noticed. No smell! Not a damn thing! I’ve just been wondering if something might be wrong,” the man explains.
The doctor furrows his brow. “That is indeed puzzling, sir. It says here you’re not married. And you live alone?”
“Just me and my dog,” the man replies.
The doctor scribbles two prescriptions and hands them to the man. “Take one of each, once a day for two weeks and come back to me.”
The man comes back two weeks later. Now he’s angry. His face is red as he grumpily explains, “Doc, I don’t know what you gave me, but ooh boy does my shit stink! I think you might have made things worse! I’m gagging in the bathroom! I can barely stand to be in the room with my own stink now! What in the hell did you give me?”
The doctor replies, “Nasal decongestant and antihistamine.”
-

I Just Got That Puppy
When your dad shows you how to properly kill and skin an animal.
I just got that puppy…
-
The Miracle Cure
A man sits by his wife’s bed in the oncology ward. She has Stage IV throat cancer, and the prognosis is dark. She’s scheduled for a radical, life-saving surgery the next morning, but the doctors have been blunt: they have to remove a significant portion of her throat and vocal cords. She will never speak, swallow, or use her throat the same way again.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
The Butt Kicking Contest
Two guys decide to have a butt kicking contest.
The first guy takes a long run, hauls off, and kicks the other guy so hard he goes flying ten feet.
The second guy lies there for a minute, gasping in pain, then pulls himself together, stands up, and says, “My turn.”
The first guy says, “Never mind, you win.”
-
The Genie’s Wish
A father, mother and child are sitting down to dinner. The boy sees a strange-looking lamp in the middle of the table. He reaches over and rubs the side of it playfully.
A genie appears suddenly. The boy asks, “Are you a genie like in Aladdin?”
“I can grant each of you one wish. You can choose one thing and you will have a lifetime supply. You just go to where that thing is, show me, and voilà! It’s yours for life.”
The mom runs to the car excited and says, “I want a lifetime supply of wine!” The boy screams, “I want a lifetime supply of candy!” The mom then realizes the dad is pulling out in their other car. The mom yells, “Where are you going?”
The dad yells back, “The strip club!”

