Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Can I Drive the Family Car?

    Son just turned 16.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Son: Dad, I just got my license, can I drive the family car?!

    Dad: Can your dick touch your ass?

    The son goes in private, tries, and comes back to say no, Dad, in disappointment.

    Dad: Then you can’t drive the family car.

    Son turns 17.

    Son: Dad, can I drive the family car now?!

    Dad: Can your dick touch your ass?

    The son goes in private, tries, and comes back to say no, Dad, in disappointment yet again.

    Dad: Then you can’t drive the family car. Maybe next year.

    Son turns 18.

    Son: Dad, I’m an adult now, can I finally drive the family car?!

    Dad: Can your dick touch your ass?

    The son goes in private, tries, and comes back excited to say, “Yes, I can!”

    Dad: Then go fuck yourself, ’cuz you ain’t driving the family car.

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  • Three Tough Rats

    Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”

    The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”

    The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.

    The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”

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  • The Sperm Count

    An old man goes to the urologist to talk about having another child.

    The doctor says, “Do you know your sperm count?”

    The old man replies, “I didn’t know they could do math!”

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  • Low-Hanging Fruit

    I was going to make a joke about the balls of an elderly man…

    …but that would just be low-hanging fruit.

  • Catholic Converter

    Catholic Converter

    Built Xterra/Frontier. 1 hour ago

    Can a bad Alternator cause the Catholic converter to go bad?

    Reply: I will literally pay for your vasectomy

  • Blacksmith Dog

    I trained my dog to be a blacksmith.

    He made a bolt for the door.

  • Knows the Drill

    I’ve been training my dog to fetch tools from my workbench.

    He isn’t perfect, but he knows the drill.

  • Barberqueue

    What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

    A barberqueue.

  • Strongest Days

    Which days are the strongest?

    Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

  • Disgruntled Employee

    For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.

    The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.