I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Doctor’s Wife Sets Straight Woman’s Misconceptions
At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.
At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”
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$50 Every Time
My current girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. Then again, so would I if I got $50 every time I did it.
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Accountant’s Creative Job Title Consultation
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”
The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”
“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
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Dogs Chase Cars
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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Caviar and a Blowjob
What’s the difference between caviar and a blowjob?
No difference — you don’t get either of them at home!
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Miced Onions
It’s a good idea to pay close attention to the recipe when you cook. That way you won’t spend a whole day looking for miced onions.
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Multiple Autobiographies
The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!
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Secretary of Defense
If the top doctor and top lawyer are called the Surgeon General and the Attorney General, how come the person who heads up the military is called the Secretary of Defense? I suppose it’s because he can type really fast.
