Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Kia vs. the Rolls-Royce

    A man driving a Kia stops at a traffic light next to a Rolls-Royce.

    The Kia driver rolls down his window and calls out to the Rolls-Royce driver, “Hey, pal, that’s an impressive car. Does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver replies, “Yes, it has Wi-Fi.”

    The Kia driver continues, “Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, “Yes, there’s a refrigerator.”

    Not backing down, the Kia driver asks, “That’s cool, man! What about a TV? I’ve got a TV in my Kia’s backseat!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver, increasingly annoyed, says, “Yes, there’s a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!”

    The Kia driver says, “Amazing car! But do you have a bed in there? I’ve got a bed in the back of my Kia!”

    Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls-Royce driver speeds off. He heads straight to the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It’s undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce.

    The Rolls-Royce driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia. Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first, there’s no response, but then the owner pokes his head out, dripping wet.

    “I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls-Royce driver declares smugly.

    The Kia driver replies, “Did you really drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!”

  • Dinosaurs Don’t Make Good Pets

    Why don’t dinosaurs make good pets?

    Because they’re dead.

  • Not a Match

    I was at a speed dating event, looking for a partner who can light my cigarette.

    The first candidate started telling me about how smoking is actually really bad for me.

    I told him that I appreciate his intention, but it’s not a match.

  • Disabled Porn

    A guy takes his wife and two small kids on a driving vacation, and checks into a cheap motel. He asks the clerk, “For the sake of our kids’ TV viewing, can we have the porn disabled?”

    The clerk responds, “Who the hell would make their kids watch disabled porn, you sick bastard?”

  • It Was Tense

    The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time.

    It was tense…

  • Note to self: It’s not “boner-fide” opportunity. Follow-up note

    Note to self: It’s not “boner-fide” opportunity. Follow-up note to self: Who cares? I got the job!

  • I know it’s called a blow JOB, but I really don’t think the

    I know it’s called a blow JOB, but I really don’t think the interview was necessary.

  • Just my luck, I picked up the *karma* sutra book instead of the

    Just my luck, I picked up the *karma* sutra book instead of the *kama* sutra. I guess what cums around goes around.

  • I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense,

    I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense, as that’s the color they are most of the time.

  • A poet once asked “What’s in a name?” as a way of teaching

    A poet once asked “What’s in a name?” as a way of teaching others to not make superficial judgments. Still, if the name is “Mother Fucking Douche Bag Asswipe III,” I think it would be safe to make at least a few assumptions.