Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

Bet there’d be a lot less loose change on the ground if the

Bet there’d be a lot less loose change on the ground if the saying went: “Find a penny, pick it up, And all the day you’ll get to fuck.”
Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words:

Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words: “I’d hit that.”
I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no

I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no matter how funny *I* think it is, my wife will never appreciate it when I let a few chocolate chips melt in my hand and ask her where the toilet paper is.
I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice

I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice and don’t bet against the spread.
My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.
How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing

How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing something very quickly? ‘Cause if they were my balls, I guarantee you I would be moving much, much slower.
The problem with having a Smurf fetish is that once you’ve seen

The problem with having a Smurf fetish is that once you’ve seen one blue pussy, you’ve seen them all.
You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make

You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make themselves look bigger and more fearsome by flipping out those flaps around their heads? I’ll bet those things have tiny little dicks.
I like using the iPhone to send pictures of myself totally nude

I like using the iPhone to send pictures of myself totally nude to my boyfriend, but the lighting in these Apple stores sucks.
This DVD box says, “The Director’s Cut.” Why the fuck should *I*

This DVD box says, “The Director’s Cut.” Why the fuck should *I* care what his penis looks like?