Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Knows the Drill

    I’ve been training my dog to fetch tools from my workbench.

    He isn’t perfect, but he knows the drill.

  • Barberqueue

    What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

    A barberqueue.

  • Strongest Days

    Which days are the strongest?

    Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

  • Disgruntled Employee

    For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.

    The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.

  • In a Nutshell

    Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?

    In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

  • They Were Wright

    About a hundred years ago a couple brothers said they could fly.

    They were Wright.

  • Leopard vs. Cougar

    What’s the difference between a leopard and a cougar?

    A leopard can drag something twice its weight up a tree.

    A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.

  • Violins

    Did you know that the string section of an orchestra is the most dangerous?

    It’s because of all the violins.

  • A Stolen Car

    Two police officers stood beside a man who was bitterly crying.

    “Wow,” said one police officer, “he must have really loved that car.”

    “Not really,” said the other police officer. “It was five years old but fully insured. He’s crying because he just filled his gas tank.”

  • Eaton / Dayton

    I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.

    Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.