Can you buy those hotel “Do not disturb” signs? I want one to wear as a necklace.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I’m sure Bobby McFerrin never could have envisioned that so many people would listen to
I’m sure Bobby McFerrin never could have envisioned that so many people would listen to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and immediately feel the urge to strangle the person next to them.
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On a really long car trip, I was having the best dream about being in the spotlight
On a really long car trip, I was having the best dream about being in the spotlight accepting some kind of award. Then some bitch going the right way on the freeway had to blow her horn and wake me up.
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She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I
She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I suspect she really didn’t need them.
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Last night I took a long look in the mirror, and I realized I desperately needed to make
Last night I took a long look in the mirror, and I realized I desperately needed to make a change in my life. So first thing this morning, I got up, drove to the store and bought myself a new mirror.
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One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a
One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We’re not sure if he’s life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.
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My husband says he won’t buy me the crossbow I asked for for Christmas.
My husband says he won’t buy me the crossbow I asked for for Christmas. He says I might accidentally shoot him. I suppose there’s a fine line between “accident” and “on purpose.”
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I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow.
I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon.
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Fortune favors those in motion.
Fortune favors those in motion. And don’t forget: Oozing is a type of motion.
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I didn’t know that lethargy was a symptom of Lyme disease in cats.
I didn’t know that lethargy was a symptom of Lyme disease in cats. Holy smokes! My cat has had Lyme disease his entire life!
