If I were Superman, I think I’d just fight for truth, justice and the Canadian way. That seems easier. All I’d ever have to do is break up an occasional hockey fight, and make sure criminals say everything twice. Once in English, and then again in French.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush
On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush into a vibrator. On the other, I really like hew new minty fresh taste.
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Despite my ultra-stealth demeanor and prodigious talent with throwing stars, I always
Despite my ultra-stealth demeanor and prodigious talent with throwing stars, I always get passed over for missions in favor of these jerks who have degrees in Ninjaneering.
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Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call
Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call it “breast feeding.”
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If I were the guy who ran the gallows pole, I’d always ask my clients “How’s it hangin’?”
If I were the guy who ran the gallows pole, I’d always ask my clients “How’s it hangin’?” You know, just to relieve that awkward moment right before I send them to their deaths.
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My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe
My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe four, visits in before some nosy insomniac complains about “That 3 a.m. Naked Treadmill Guy.”
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The librarian at the public library suggested that I could get more information
The librarian at the public library suggested that I could get more information regarding my ancestry if I were to talk to a genealogist about it. That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. I don’t even have a vagina!
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I sure hope that sheep that provided the organ for my transplant was a Republican,
I sure hope that sheep that provided the organ for my transplant was a Republican, because I’d hate to be known as a bleating heart liberal.
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As a high school teacher, I always try to boost the self-esteem of teenage girls.
As a high school teacher, I always try to boost the self-esteem of teenage girls. For example: I started using an alternate scoring system based on bra cup size.
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What a waste of time and money.
What a waste of time and money. Studying the ‘Tang Dynasty for my Ph.D. isn’t nearly as interesting as I had originally thought.
