Whoever said “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual” obviously never purchased one on the Internet.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an
A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an hour-and-a-half. A good meeting is when they also bring donuts.
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I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to
I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to the bathroom before you pee all over yourself. But it’s still better than the one where you dream you’re stranded alone on an island and you have to remove your own appendix before it bursts and you wake up and have to run to the ER before you bleed to death. I REALLY hate that one.
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If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard
If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard Cunningham will soon be dispensing pearls of heavenly sitcom wisdom to *anyone* from the cast of “Jersey Shore.”
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You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of
You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of your body do you put that?”
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I saw a bumper sticker that said: “Don’t Let This Car Fool You, My Real Treasure Is In
I saw a bumper sticker that said: “Don’t Let This Car Fool You, My Real Treasure Is In Heaven.” I’m sorry, but if heaven is even better than a 1998 Ford Escort, I’m going to have to seriously reconsider this whole atheism thing.
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If God really just wants to walk beside me, why doesn’t He ever pay the cover charge
If God really just wants to walk beside me, why doesn’t He ever pay the cover charge when we go clubbing?
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I decided to beat the retail stores at their own game by putting up *my* Christmas
I decided to beat the retail stores at their own game by putting up *my* Christmas decorations before this Halloween. And for those of you who may point out that some stores already have their holiday displays out, well note that I’m putting up mine in preparation for *next* year. Ha!
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It’s tough being dyslexic.
It’s tough being dyslexic. Every time *I* masturbate, a kitten kills God!
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I suffer from pre-traumatic stress disorder.
I suffer from pre-traumatic stress disorder. I don’t know what’s going to happen, or even when something traumatic will happen, but you can bet your ass I’ll be screaming and crying hours before it goes down.
