Sure, I procrastinate sometimes. But I still think it’s important to keep the “Christ” in “Presidents Day.”
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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During tough economic times like this, I take stock of my life and realize if I’d gone
During tough economic times like this, I take stock of my life and realize if I’d gone to an Ivy League college instead of a state school, I’d still be goofing off right now, but with a much higher salary.
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True, every kiss begins with Kay.
True, every kiss begins with Kay. But guys who expect a little more in return for their gem purchases know the place to buy jewelry is Bjorn’s.
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This morning, I woke up on the floor next to some nameless Wal-Mart greeter, both of us
This morning, I woke up on the floor next to some nameless Wal-Mart greeter, both of us naked and covered with Cheez Whiz. Well, there goes THAT resolution.
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I’ll bet Facebook would be even more popular if there were a way to add Friends With
I’ll bet Facebook would be even more popular if there were a way to add Friends With Benefits.
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It seems odd that Charlie Brown’s parents never noticed that their 8-year-old son was
It seems odd that Charlie Brown’s parents never noticed that their 8-year-old son was suffering from severe clinical depression. I guess they had their own problems, what with those speech impediments and all.
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It’s odd how you can combine two negative words, like “sham” and “poo,” and get a
It’s odd how you can combine two negative words, like “sham” and “poo,” and get a personal hygiene product that people use every day. At least that was my thinking when I invented the Poo Sham.
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Humor tip: Exasperatedly muttering to your wife, “Time to make the doughnuts,” as you
Humor tip: Exasperatedly muttering to your wife, “Time to make the doughnuts,” as you get out of bed in the morning? Funny. Doing the same when she asks you for sex? Not so much.
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One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night
One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night digging a hole in the back yard with a spoon and a little plastic beach pail. We were going to find buried treasure or dig all the way to China — who knows? The important thing was that it took our minds off of what a great time our more popular classmates were probably having that night at the senior prom.
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Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because
Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because that person’s car was actually already parked and the driver wasn’t even there when it happened?
