If you have multiple personality disorder, could one of your additional personalities also have their own multiple personality disorder? ‘Cause that would up the suck factor exponentially — especially if they need separate toothbrushes.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a
If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a neighborhood with a homeowners association. Who needs neighbors telling you when it’s time to trim down there?
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I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill
I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill you” to the end of a sentence. Now I secretly record those guys — if I’m ever murdered, all these morons will get taken in for questioning.
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After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I realized I was simply outgunned. Never bring caulk to a nailgun fight.
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Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations.
Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations. But then I remember she goes to public school, so it’s unlikely she’ll ever learn to read.
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Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
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They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes. But it’s not really that bad if the bitch in front of you has a great ass.
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My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex:
My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex: She hooked up with her ex while I hired a prostitute.
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Can’t find your way to the Apple store?
Can’t find your way to the Apple store? There’s a map for that!
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It’s the little things that make life truly worth living.
It’s the little things that make life truly worth living. For example: starting and ending the day with the same number of teeth.
