Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Manners at the Dinner Table Apply Everywhere

    The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.”

    Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.

    “Yes,” replied the young woman, “much better.”

    “Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy?”

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  • Wife Plays Dead During Doggie Style

    Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

    “Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.

    “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.”

    “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”

    “Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”

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  • The Cab Driver’s Creative Payment Plan

    A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

    So the wife comes into the doctor’s office and the doctor asks her what’s wrong and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore. The wife tells him, “For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to write this down in the book or what?’ so I take a ‘or what’. Back home again I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ so again I take a ‘or what’. So you see doc when I get home I’m all tired out, and I don’t want it any more.”

    The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, “So are we going to tell your husband or what?”

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  • Teresa Easter Alan

    Teresa Easter Alan

    Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?

    Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

    Son: Thanks dad.

    Dad: No problem Alan.

  • Epiphany

    I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

  • Salsa Class Misunderstanding

    Salsa Class Misunderstanding

    Instructor: Welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance?

    Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: There’s been a misunderstanding.

  • Hitting the Bottle Again

    After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.

  • Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • She Had a Grant and She Blew It

    I hear Divine Brown has decided to take herself out of the downtown Hollywood life and get herself an education.

    She took up a psychology course at her local university, but alas, she had to drop out due to lack of funds. Well, she had a grant and she blew it.

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  • Roommate’s Setup: Nature Takes Its Course

    A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who’d made the rounds of the campus.

    “Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained reassuringly. “This girl knows what the score is, and she’s even a natural blonde.” The roommate arranged the date as promised.

    The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing. On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and blurted out, “Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy.”

    “I would too,” sighed the blonde, “Mine’s the size of a goddamn milk pail.”

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