When my 7-year-old daughter opened her only Christmas gift and found two baby teeth inside, she ran upstairs bawling. Funny, that’s *all* she raved about wanting last year.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I cried because I had no tap shoes, until I met a man with no JAZZ HANDS!
I cried because I had no tap shoes, until I met a man with no JAZZ HANDS!
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I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement.
I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement. I mean, not unless they, like, built one.
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Christmas is NOT the most wonderful time of the year; it’s the time of year when
Christmas is NOT the most wonderful time of the year; it’s the time of year when millions of people cut down perfectly good evergreens and shove them up angels’ asses.
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An important benefit of miniaturization in computer technology is that even people with
An important benefit of miniaturization in computer technology is that even people with limited physical strength can now throw a computer out a window.
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All children eventually realize how grateful they are to their parents — usually when
All children eventually realize how grateful they are to their parents — usually when their parents are dead and they’ve started wondering when their own children are ever going to start feeling grateful toward THEM.
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I am no longer using a personal trainer.
I am no longer using a personal trainer. If I’m going to pay that much for someone to hurt me, I want a ball gag and a safe word.
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I KNEW it was too good to be true when I thought I heard the captain say he needed
I KNEW it was too good to be true when I thought I heard the captain say he needed volunteers to man the whores.
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I can find something beautiful about anyone.
I can find something beautiful about anyone. There’s beauty in strength, in perseverance, in overcoming adversity, but I’ve always found the most beauty in someone who is really, really, really pretty.
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I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die.
I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die. That’s how Johnny Cash got caught.
