Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who’d made the rounds of the campus.
To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.
A young woman asks her mother, “Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?”
The mother, surprised, answers, “Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his sixties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes. Dried up, and the balls are there only for decoration.”
A beautiful young lady was a traveling sales person and her car broke down way out in the country. She checked the car as best she could but couldn’t find what was wrong. It was starting to get dark so she decided she had better find shelter for the night.
She found a farm house a short distance up the road and knocked on the door. The farmer answered the door and asked her what she needed. She told the farmer that her car was broken down and she needed a place to stay for the night.
The farmer told her he only had two bedrooms, he and his wife used one and their 18 year old son used the other. The farmer thought about it a minute and said my son went to town and won’t be home until late and he has a big bed anyhow if you want you can sleep in his bed tonight. She thought to herself, wow, 18 year old dick tonight, and said to the farmer that would be fine.
After a nice supper they all went to bed. She took all of her clothes off and lay spread eagle on the bed waiting for the boy. About three in the morning the boy comes in, gets undressed and goes to bed. She waited a while, sure that he would be making advances, but nothing happened.
After a little while she thought, well maybe he’s shy, so she said could you switch sides of the bed with me, thinking he may get her on the way over.
He got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She lay there a little longer and decided to try it again.
Again, he got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She figured there is only one way to make this hick understand, so she rolled over right on top of him and said, “OK now do you know what I want?”
He said, “Yeah, you want the whole damn bed.”
I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.
Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I can’t help but wonder, “Where did the creator of ‘The Jetsons’ go, and why hasn’t he done something about this?”
