Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Gators vs. Crocs: Timing is Everything!

    What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?

    One you will see later; the other after a while.

  • Dog licking itself

    Two dumb guys are walking down the street and see a dog licking himself
    The one dumb guy goes, “I wish I could do that”

    And the other dumb guy goes, “Maybe if you tried petting him first”

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  • Don’t go in that field…

    An undercover cop came to my farm out in the sticks yesterday evening.

    “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

    “By all means, Officer—just don’t go in that field over there,” I replied.

    The cop exploded. “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!” he shouted, pulling a badge out of his back pocket. “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want, and I’ll go wherever the fuck I want. Have I made myself clear?!”

    I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to work.

    A short while later, I heard loud screaming. I looked up and saw the cop running for his life, being chased by my angry bull. With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like he was gonna get gored before he reached safety.

    The officer looked terrified and kept running for his life.

    I threw down my tools, ran to the edge of the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

    “Your badge—show him your fucking badge!”

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  • Four moles

    Four moles were crawling up a tunnel to the surface.

    The 1st one said, “Ah! I can smell the flowers!”
    The 2nd one said, “I can smell the fresh air!”
    The 3rd one said, “I smell the dirt..”
    The last one said, “I only smell molasses.”

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  • My Cat: The Feline Communist

    I think my cat is a communist.

    All he talks about is “Mao, Mao, Mao.”

  • Pawsitively Mistaken: Cat Meds Gone Wrong!

    I accidentally took my cat’s medication last night.

    Don’t ask meow.

  • Wolves: Higher Jumpers Than Houses!

    Did you know that wolves can jump higher than an average 1 story house?

    Absolutely true, but mostly because houses can’t jump very high.

  • What’s the difference between politicians and flying pigs?

    The letter ‘f’.

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