Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.
A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.
When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”
That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.
She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”
The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”
A little girl was out with her grandmother when they came across two dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing?” the girl asked.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
The girl thought for a moment, then said, “They’re just like people, aren’t they?”
“What do you mean?” Grandma asked.
“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the girl, “and they’ll fuck you every time.”
What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?
One you will see later; the other after a while.
An undercover cop came to my farm out in the sticks yesterday evening.
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.
“By all means, Officer—just don’t go in that field over there,” I replied.
The cop exploded. “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!” he shouted, pulling a badge out of his back pocket. “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want, and I’ll go wherever the fuck I want. Have I made myself clear?!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to work.
A short while later, I heard loud screaming. I looked up and saw the cop running for his life, being chased by my angry bull. With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like he was gonna get gored before he reached safety.
The officer looked terrified and kept running for his life.
I threw down my tools, ran to the edge of the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:
“Your badge—show him your fucking badge!”
I think my cat is a communist.
All he talks about is “Mao, Mao, Mao.”
I accidentally took my cat’s medication last night.
Don’t ask meow.
Did you know that wolves can jump higher than an average 1 story house?
Absolutely true, but mostly because houses can’t jump very high.
