My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.
Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.
Topic: breakup
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She Really Means Well
My wife just yelled that I should “fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth filled with water and die.”
I know she really means well.
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How About Now
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied, “No.”
She responded, “How about now?”
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Started to See a Little
I said to my wife, “I want to marry another woman.” Just to see her reaction.
On the first day, I saw nothing. Then on the second day, I still saw nothing. On the third day, I started to see a little with my left eye.
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You Should Be Hung
I was sitting down having a beer watching my wife mow the lawn, and this old lady came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”
I shouted back, “I am… that’s why she mows the lawn!”
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She Never Listened to Me
I had to break up with my deaf girlfriend.
She never listened to me.
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Her Kids and I Are Shocked
I just found out my girlfriend isn’t a virgin.
Her kids and I are shocked.
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Always Pushing Me Around
Ever since I got a wheelchair, my wife’s been so rude to me.
Always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
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Two Dead Dogs
Last week, my girlfriend’s dog died. So to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. She was livid.
Yelled at me, “What the fuck am I going to do with two dead dogs?”
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I don’t know what I’m going to miss the most about my girlfriend
I don’t know what I’m going to miss the most about my girlfriend now that we’re ending our relationship, but I’ve narrowed it down to one of three things: her tits, her tits, or her tits.
