Topic: breakup

  • You know it’s time to find a new boyfriend when you tell him

    You know it’s time to find a new boyfriend when you tell him you’re feeling sick and he responds with, “So I guess anal’s a ‘no-go’ then?”

  • I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it

    I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it involves another fucking dime of my own money, though.

  • Red Flags Everywhere

    I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.

    I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.

  • Neurosurgeon Girlfriend

    I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.

  • The Sax

    I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

    The sax is too good.

  • Make Up Sex

    They say make-up sex is the best, which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

  • And then I saw her face

    When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
    And then I saw her face…

  • Help me out here

    It’s really cool when you and your girlfriend finish each other’s sentences. It sucks, though, when you break up and discover you’re no longer capable of speaking in complete… uh… help me out here…

  • A lot of things changed

    When my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot of things changed.
    Like my name, my phone number, and my address.

  • Signs I Missed: My Wife’s Silent Shift

    My wife left me for a deaf guy.
    I should have seen the signs.