Topic: business

Business jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • At 49 a Drink

    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is stunned, but he shrugs and makes the drink.

    When he brings it over, the gorilla hands him a $50 bill.

    Now the bartender is really amazed. A gorilla walked in, ordered a martini, and actually paid for it.

    At the register he pauses and thinks, let’s see if the gorilla notices anything.

    So he comes back and gives the gorilla $1 in change.

    The gorilla just sits there quietly sipping his martini.

    After a few minutes the bartender can’t take it anymore and says, “You know… we don’t get many gorillas in here.”

    The gorilla takes another sip and replies, “At $49 a drink, I’m surprised you get any customers at all.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • What Fucking Trip

    Delta Airlines introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

    Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

    The results were mixed. On the positive side, 96% of the surveys were returned — by far the highest in the history of such surveys.

    On the negative side, virtually all of the returned surveys contained only one short sentence: “What fucking trip???”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • $600 a Week and a Third Interest in the Pharmacy

    One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.

    “I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.

    “Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.

    “Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”

    “Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”

    “I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.

    “Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Were Having a Yard Sale Today

    A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked.

    A well-dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. “This is a brothel” replied the madam.

    “Well, what’s all this out on the lawn?” queried the man.

    “Oh, we’re having a yard sale today.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • Monopoly One Company

    Monopoly One Company

  • KFC 11 Herbs Spices

    KFC 11 Herbs Spices

    The KFC twitter account only follows 11 people. The 5 spice girls and 6 guys named herb. This is because of their secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. The first person to notice and point this out was sent a painting of himself holding a drumstick while riding piggyback on the Colonel.

    YUP

  • Hotel Jizz

    Hotel Jizz

    I love how hotels will charge you $250 for smokin in your room but you can literally jizz on anything you want and there’s no charge…

  • CEO’s Impossible Interview Question Stumps Everyone

    A high end and very well known business wants to hire a new accountant.

    But everybody who went in for an interview got rejected. People with 30+ years in the industry were turned away like they were morons. The reputation of this job started to spread, and caught the attention of a kid who recently graduated college and was looking for a job in the field.

    He figured he had nothing to lose, so he applied and was called into an interview with the CEO.

    The CEO said “I only ask one question when looking for accountants.” The kid gulped, but nodded. After a pause, the CEO asked:

    “What’s 1+1?”

    Confused, the kid thought about the question for a bit, then smiled and answered “it’s whatever you want it to be.”

    “You got the job,” the CEO replied.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Anal Fetish Scam

    The Australian police have been unable to recommend prosecution for a clever scam involving a fake pornographic video company. The company places newspaper advertisements offering imported hard-core pornographic videos at reasonable prices, encouraging people to place orders and make payments via check.

    After several weeks, the company sends a letter explaining that due to current laws, they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. They return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Smart Boss Hires Even Smarter People

    John visits his friend David, a fellow businessman, and clearly impressed asks him, “David, how do you keep this place running so smooth?”

    “Easy,” he said. “I surround myself with people who actually have a brain. Watch.” He calls his Chief Financial Officer and asks, “He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”

    The CFO responds almost immediately: “That’s me.”

    John is floored. He flies home, calls his own CFO, and says, “Mike, I’ve got a test for you. He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”

    The CFO stammers for twenty minutes before asking for 24 hours to “research” it. He panics and calls Warren Buffet. “Sir, quick question: Your father’s son, but not your brother. Who is it?”

    Buffet sighs. “It’s me, Mike.”

    Mike runs to his boss, all proud. “Sir! I have the answer! It’s Warren Buffet!”

    John slams his desk. “No, you idiot! It’s David’s finance guy!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail