How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
Topic: death
Death jokes, funeral humor, grim memes, and mortality-themed laughs for anyone coping with existence through deeply inappropriate timing.
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A man dies in his sleep
A man comes home extremely drunk, goes straight to bed, and falls asleep.
That night, he dies in his sleep.
In the afterlife, an angel greets him and explains what happened. The man is devastated. He tells the angel he still has so much to do in life, regrets drinking so much, and swears that if he’s sent back, he’ll never drink again and will live a healthy life.
The angel says it’s impossible.
After a lot of begging, though, the angel says there is one option: he can return to Earth as a chicken.
The man thinks, “Well, that’s still better than being dead,” and agrees.
He wakes up on a large farm, surrounded by dozens of chickens. He walks around a bit, eats some feed, and even nods at a few other chickens.
Suddenly, he feels an intense pressure in his stomach.
He asks the chicken next to him what’s happening.
The chicken says, “Relax. It’s just an egg. Push as hard as you can and lay it.”
So he starts pushing with all his strength. He feels something moving inside him, slowly making its way out…
Just as it’s about to come out, his wife wakes him up and yells:
“Wake up, you idiot! You’re shitting the bed!”
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Rash Decisions: A Lesson from Allergies
I woke up to an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.
My instinct was to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized that one should never make rash decisions!
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Russian Roulette: A Surprising Safety Story
I interviewed 10,000 thousand people who had played Russian roulette and not a single one of them were harmed from the game.
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Achieving a Smoking Hot Body: Cremation Humor!
I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.
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Too Many Questions for a Simple Donation!
Blood donation centers ask way too many questions:
“Where’d you get it?”
“Whose blood is it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?” -
Heroic Kidney Donors: Questions Beyond Three
Donate a kidney and you’re a hero.
Donate three and it’s nothing but questions.
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Kidney Donation: Where Did You Get It?
I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…
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Respectful Farewell or Evidence Elimination?
So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”
But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”
