Topic: death

Death jokes, funeral humor, grim memes, and mortality-themed laughs for anyone coping with existence through deeply inappropriate timing.

  • Kickin’ the Bucket: Grandpa’s Final Laugh

    I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s final words before he kicked the bucket.

    He said “How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

  • Nobody likes lawyers

    A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud “THUD,” he would swerve back on the road.

    One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. “Surely I can’t run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!” he thought.

    Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying “Thud.”

    “Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?” the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.

    “No,” said the priest. “But I got him with the door.”

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  • Life After Death: Lawyers vs. Prostitutes

    What’s the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?

    A prostitute will stop screwing you after you’re dead.

  • Man goes to the dermatologist with a strange skin condition

    A man visits his dermatologist because his skin has become strangely pink and rubbery, like a ham. It’s like this all over his body.

    The doctor asks him if he has any clue what could have caused this change, and the man admits that he recently tried out a hygiene tip he read about online: rubbing salt all over himself and sleeping while covered in it.

    The man says “Surely there’s some way to fix this before it gets any worse?”

    The doctor just says “You’re already cured.”

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  • Viruses Walk Into a Bar: A Sick Joke!

    Covid, AIDS, and the Flu walk into a bar

    The bartender takes one look at them and says, “What is this, some kind of sick joke?”

  • A lawyer has surgey

    A lawyer wakes up after surgery and sees the recovery room completely dark.

    He asks, “Nurse, why are the blinds closed?”

    She says, “There’s a huge fire across the street, and we didn’t want you waking up thinking the surgery didn’t work.”

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  • Stuck in Ink: An Invisible Emergency!

    I accidentally swallowed a bottle of invisible ink.

    Now I am in the ER waiting to be seen.

  • Diarrhea Awareness Week: Knowledge is Power!

    Diarrhea Awareness starts on Monday.

    Runs through Friday.

  • From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift

    I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.

    But after the first two, I felt better.

  • Gym Woes: Broken Machines and No Treats!

    I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.

    I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.