Topic: death

Death jokes, funeral humor, grim memes, and mortality-themed laughs for anyone coping with existence through deeply inappropriate timing.

  • HIV from a toilet

    Did you hear about the guy who somehow got HIV from a toilet?
    He sat down before the other guy got up.

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  • Three men on death row

    There were three men on death row: a German, an Italian, and an Irishman.

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    The warden gave them a choice of how they wanted to die:

    • Be shot
    • Be hanged
    • Be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow, painful death

    The German stepped up first.
    “Shoot me right in the head.”

    Boom. Instant.

    The Italian went next.
    “Just hang me.”

    Snap. Done.

    Then it was the Irishman’s turn.

    “I’ll take some of that AIDS stuff.”

    They gave him the injection.

    He collapsed on the floor… laughing.

    The guards looked at each other. What was wrong with this guy?

    Through tears of laughter he said, “Give me another one of those shots!”

    They shrugged and gave him another.

    Now he’s howling, doubled over, can barely breathe from laughing.

    Finally, the warden snapped, “What is wrong with you?!”

    The Irishman wheezed, “You idiots… I’m wearing a condom!”

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  • Knock, Knock: A Doctor’s Thoughtful Touch

    I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.

    Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.

  • Bananas: Prostate Power with a Side of Reminder!

    My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.

    I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.

  • Surprise Countdown: The Ultimate Plot Twist!

    If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.

    Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!

  • Dead baby jokes…

    I prefer dead baby jokes, they just never get old.

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