Topic: death

Death jokes, funeral humor, grim memes, and mortality-themed laughs for anyone coping with existence through deeply inappropriate timing.

  • Jeffrey Dahmer Stops Blender

    Jeffrey Dahmer Stops Blender

  • Went to the Wrong Room

    Bill, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. His wife asked him, “What happened to you?”

    “I’ve had a terrible day!” said Bill. “I had to go to a hotel where a guest had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had a huge erection — can’t even say it cause it’s embarrassing!”

    “Anyway, I went upstairs, and sure enough, there was this big man lying on the bed naked with a massive stiff one. So, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half.”

    “I see,” said his wife. “That must have been terrible! But how did you get the black eye?”

    Bill replied, “Went to the wrong room!”

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  • Homeless Flu Shots Caring Community

    Homeless Flu Shots Caring Community

  • She Wouldnt Be Able To Shes Left-Handed

    A young married couple are taking a nice stroll down a long and rather winding road. There was a long way till they got home and there was plenty of time to have a long drawn-out conversation, so the wife decided to ask her husband a question she had on her mind for a long time:

    Wife: “If I died, would you remarry?”

    Husband: “No, I love you too much to get married to a different woman.”

    Wife: “But you love being married, don’t you? So honestly. You’d get remarried wouldn’t you?”

    Husband: “Yeah, I guess I would get remarried eventually.”

    Wife: “Would you and your new wife live in our house?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we live?”

    Wife: “Would you take down all the pictures of me and you together?”

    Husband: “Yeah, it would be very discourteous to her not to. I’d still keep the ones of me and you in my private drawer.”

    Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bedroom?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we sleep?”

    Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”

    Husband: “No, she wouldn’t be able to, she’s left-handed!”

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  • Deepest Condolences

    Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter constantly called her, urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet.”

    It was an immediate hit. They took to each other, and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, they undressed. She stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

    She replied, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”

    He knew he wasn’t getting lucky that night.

    The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black lacy panties, and he was in his birthday suit. But now he was wearing a black condom.

    She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”

    He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”

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  • Nacho Lucky Day

    Nacho Lucky Day

  • They Dont Fuck Around at Those Crematoriums

    A seven-year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:

    Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?
    Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.
    Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?
    Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don’t fuck around at those crematoriums.

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  • Stair 1 Roof Access

    Stair 1 Roof Access

  • It Was Instant

    A man died after falling into a vat of coffee.

    His wife told reporters, “At least he didn’t suffer — it was instant.”