My big fantasy is being a pizza delivery boy making a delivery to a mansion where a porn film is being shot and arriving at the location at precisely the same moment as the actor playing the role of the pizza-delivery boy.
Topic: food
Food jokes, snack memes, kitchen crimes, restaurant disasters, and edible nonsense for people who laugh first and check expiration dates later.
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I have some JPGs of Britney Spears dancing naked.
I have some JPGs of Britney Spears dancing naked. Except she’s not naked — she’s wearing a grubby bathrobe, and she’s not dancing — she’s eating oatmeal, and she’s not Britney Spears — she’s me.
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I look to nature to find which diets actually work.
I look to nature to find which diets actually work. I suggest the squirrel diet, because you almost never see a fat squirrel. It’s easy: Just lose 99 percent of the food you hid around the house.
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My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish.
My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s her way of asking me for tequila.
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People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but
People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but mark my words: They’ll be jealous when we’re all stranded on an isolated mountaintop and leathery-and-tough-meated Brad is viewed as the last one anyone would pick for eating.
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If Anthony Hopkins ever decides to open a restaurant for cannibals, I bet he calls the
If Anthony Hopkins ever decides to open a restaurant for cannibals, I bet he calls the house special “Remains of the Day.”
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Proof of the astounding ability of human beings to deceive ourselves is our refusal to
Proof of the astounding ability of human beings to deceive ourselves is our refusal to think about what the chewed-up food in our mouth looks like right before we swallow it.
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I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would
I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would never know beforehand what was behind it — like a wolverine or a pizza.
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I think a cool reality cross-over show would be “Survivor: Biggest Loser.”
I think a cool reality cross-over show would be “Survivor: Biggest Loser.” Sure, you might tire of the intensified complaining as there would be no trainers or structured workouts to keep the overweight contestant occupied, but things would really heat up by day 10 when they start killing each other for food.
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I turned around and the ship was being stormed by thieves, though all they stole was the
I turned around and the ship was being stormed by thieves, though all they stole was the ship’s collection of fine wine. Apparently, we we’re the latest to be attacked by sommelier pirates.
