It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone. I asked the bakery to make an erotic cake, and she sent me a cake covered with pictures of the cast from “Seinfeld.”
Topic: food
Food jokes, snack memes, kitchen crimes, restaurant disasters, and edible nonsense for people who laugh first and check expiration dates later.
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My favorite part of high school graduation parties is telling the young person that I
My favorite part of high school graduation parties is telling the young person that I hid a $100 bill somewhere in the cake, then watching him destroy his own celebration only to learn I was lying. Kids nowadays need to learn these harsh lessons early.
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My dad is fond of writing on containers of “his” leftovers, “Do not TOUCH or EAT, under
My dad is fond of writing on containers of “his” leftovers, “Do not TOUCH or EAT, under penalty of DEATH or DISMEMBERMENT, and not necessarily IN THAT ORDER!!!” I find that deliciously ironic when we’ve ordered a bucket of fried chicken.
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Like the famed writer Jorge Luis Borges, I imagine paradise as a kind of library.
Like the famed writer Jorge Luis Borges, I imagine paradise as a kind of library. Specifically, a kind of library where you get to drink beer and have lots of sex.
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Someone at work stole my potato salad.
Someone at work stole my potato salad. That’s okay, though — it’s not like I was really going to eat it after I forgot and left it the car for the last couple of days.
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“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” Then why the hell would you want a damn cake in the first place?
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I’m thankful my roommate is a fellow wine lover.
I’m thankful my roommate is a fellow wine lover. Otherwise he’d probably rat out my “Butchered Hitchhiker Chardonnay” to the authorities.
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You know you’re getting old when, each time you order wine at a restaurant, you find
You know you’re getting old when, each time you order wine at a restaurant, you find yourself sounding more and more like Thurston Howell III.
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I just had a great idea: the no-party surprise party!
I just had a great idea: the no-party surprise party! You get a bunch of people together at a friend’s house, turn the lights off, and hide. When they come home, you scare the bejeezus out them, then leave! Also, I guess you could leave them a cake or something to kind of make up for being jerks.
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If Hansel and Gretel had left a trail of farts instead of breadcrumbs, it would have
If Hansel and Gretel had left a trail of farts instead of breadcrumbs, it would have been just as effective and might have put the witch off eating them.
