Topic: gender

13. Three drinks into the bachelorette party, you’ve got a bridesmaid in a headlock telling her how much you love her.

12. If you can locate the sink in under two minutes, the bathroom is clean enough.

11. You’re having trouble grasping the concept of “too much porn.”

10. Late to your wedding because of wardrobe issues? No. Feeling overly emotional? Hardly. Wouldn’t stop to ask for directions? Bingo.

9. Even though it’s only for men, you take Levitra because Ditka’s word is gospel.

8. You use a glue gun to make sure the toilet seat stays up.

7. You constantly scratch your crotch and “adjust” yourself to get comfortable — in line at Starbucks.

6. You just can’t seem to watch Baywatch with your mouth closed.

5. You’re the only woman in the office who heads to the restroom with a full coffee mug and the USA Today sports section.

4. Your friends find you drunk in the restroom yelling, “Show us yer tits!” at the lavatory mirror.

3. Those tiny bits of chaw stuck in your lipstick.

2. You have a fine appreciation for the subtle genius and brilliant comic timing that is Andrew Dice Clay.

And Topfive.com’s number one sign you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body…

1. You haven’t been invited for a girls’ night out since your infamous “farting the alphabet” incident.