Today I bought two bananas, an apple, and a pack of cigarettes. The cashier looked at me and said, “You must be single, huh?” And I’m like, “How do you know that?”
She said, “Because you’re ugly.”
Topic: relationships
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.
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Tired of Being Used
I just wanted to show her my memes. Next thing you know my weiner is in her mouth. I’m tired of being used.
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Here Comes Trouble
Dad one sees dad two:
“oh no! here comes trouble!”
Dad two: “oh boy they let you out of the house?!”
Dads:
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Nose Grazes the Butt-Clit
When she’s slurping your meat from behind and her nose grazes your butt-clit ever so gently
I’m gonna squirt!
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Math Textbook Problems
Him: Damn girl are you a math textbook?
Her: No why?
Him: Cuz you have a lot of fuckin problems
@Gucci_Gameboy @Donny_Drama
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The Elephant Trunk
A man goes to the doctor, absolutely desperate. He says, “Doc, I was in a horrible accident and lost my penis. I can’t live like this, you have to help me!”
The doctor says, “Good news, we have an experimental procedure. We take a baby elephant’s trunk, graft it on, and it works perfectly.”
The man agrees immediately. The surgery is a success.
Two months later, the man brings a beautiful woman home for a date. Things start heating up, and suddenly, the man feels a twitch in his pants. The trunk-penis is waking up.
As they are sitting there, the elephant trunk unzips his fly, creeps onto the table, reaches into the breadbasket, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back under the table.
The woman is stunned, her eyes wide.
“That was… amazing!” she says. “Can you do that again?”
The guy smiles, wincing in pain, and replies, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
