Topic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
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Legendary Size: Mr. Rutledge’s Final Surprise!
Old Mr. Rutledge died peacefully in his sleep and was taken to the morgue.
While fixing him up for the funeral, the mortician naturally got a look at the old dead man naked.
He was so awestruck at the size of Rutledge’s penis that he called his assistant in.
“Wow, good on you, Mr. Rutledge! That thing’s gotta be the size of a baseball bat!” the assistant commented.
Later that night, the mortician commented to his wife, “I worked on the body of an old man today. I swear what he was packing was the size of a baseball bat!”
His wife’s eyes widened and she said, “Mr. Rutledge died?”
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She spit it out
I gave my wife an orgasm yesterday…
…but she spit it out. -
Dirty Pictures Reveal True Desires!
A guy goes to the psychiatrist and the doctor orders a Rorschach test.
He shows his patient the first inkblot and asks what he sees. The reply: “Sex.”
Second inkblot, same question. The reply: “Sex.” Third time around, same thing.
The doctor says, “All you have on your mind is sex.”
The patient replies, “Well, of course I do, because you keep showing me those dirty pictures.”
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One Hour of Pleasure, Lifetime of Questions!
So it’s the first day of college, and the girls are finishing orientation with the Dean of Women.
“In conclusion, ladies, if you get pregnant, you’ll likely have to drop out and miss out on many of your dreams. Think about it: is that one hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of commitment?”
“Now,” the dean says, “are there any questions?”
“Yeah,” says a voice from the back. “How do you make them last an hour?”
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Vices and Life: A Deadly Decision
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”
The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,
“You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”
