Topic: work

Work jokes, office memes, job interview disasters, coworker chaos, and professional suffering with just enough sarcasm to survive another meeting.

  • Papal Joyride: A Divine Driving Desire

    After getting Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices the pope is still standing on the curb.

    “Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver. “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

    “Well, to tell you the truth,” says the pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

    “I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?!” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

    “Who’s going to tell?” says the pope with a smile.

    Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 km/h.

    “Please slow down, Your Holiness,” pleads the worried driver, but the pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

    “Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license—and my job!” moans the driver.

    The pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
    “I need to talk to the chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

    The chief gets on the radio, and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 km/h.

    “So bust him,” says the chief.

    “I don’t think we want to do that. He’s really important,” says the cop.

    The chief exclaims, “All the more reason!”

    “No, I mean really important,” says the cop with a bit of persistence.

    The chief then asks, “Who do you have there, the mayor?”

    Cop: “Bigger.”

    Chief: “A senator?”
    Cop: “Bigger.”

    Chief: “The president?”

    Cop: “Bigger.”

    “Well,” says the chief, “who is it?”

    Cop: “I think it’s God!”

    The chief is even more puzzled and curious. “What makes you think it’s God?”

    Cop: “His chauffeur is the pope!”

  • Firefighter or Photographer? The Great Mix-Up!

    A photographer for a prominent national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a humongous forest fire.

    Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. His editor made the arrangements and assured him the plane would be started and waiting for him at the airport.

    As soon as he got to the small rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

    The pilot turned the plane into the wind, and soon they were in the air.

    “Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low-level passes.”

    “Why?” asked the pilot.

    “Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

    After a long pause, the pilot said, “Wait, you mean you’re not the instructor?”

  • Hammering Home the Ethics

    After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.

    “Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”

    The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”

    Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”

  • Who Deserves the Promotion? A Tough Choice!

    The president of a major company had three secretaries he wanted to promote, but there was only one position available.
    The first secretary was a Stanford graduate who developed a strategy to cut unnecessary spending and increased company profits by 28%.

    The second was a single mother of three — kind, warm, and beloved by employees and customers alike. She made everyone feel welcome and valued.

    The third was quick-witted, knew the company’s operations inside and out, and could deliver anything needed at a moment’s notice — fast, efficient, and flawless.

    After careful and deliberate consideration, the president decided to promote the secretary with the biggest tits.

  • A priest goes to heaven

    A Priest dies, and goes to heaven. In heaven he is given a small apartment, a modest budget to buy groceries and food, and a pass to ride on the Heaven Express bus company. However he keeps noticing a certain guy driving around heaven in a sports car, residing in the biggest mansion in heaven, eating at the finest heavenly restaurants, and given the royal treatment wherever he goes. The Priest starts to get jealous so he makes an appointmentto see God.

    “What’s going on? “He asks God “Who is that guy who is treated like he’s the new Messiah?”

    “Oh, that’s Kevin” Answers God,

    “I don’t get it” says the Priest “Didn’t I love a good life in your service? Haven’t I been a true follower”

    “Yes you have been” Says God “I couldn’t have asked for any more from you. You have been a perfect servant”

    “So what makes Kevin so special. Why is he given everything on a silver platter?” asks the priest

    “Kevin’s a lawyer” answer god

    “so?”

    “Well you see. We have thousands and thousands of Priests who made it up here. But Kevin’s the only lawyer”.

  • Spraying Memories: A Job for Two Bucks

    Once long ago I got a job hosing women down for wet T-shirt contests. It was $2 an hour.

    It was all I could afford at the time.

  • Too Many Samples: A Sperm Bank Tale

    I got fired because my boss said I was handing out too many free samples.

    That’s the last time I get a job at a sperm bank.