Topic: work

Thomas Wolfe was wrong, you *can* go home again. In fact, sometimes it’s strongly encouraged, like when you forget to wear pants to work.

You’d have to think the worst thing about being one of those dudes that get paid to hold up signs is knowing that at any moment, you could lose your job to a stick or a staple.

Sometimes, when I’m sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work. They never last very long, though, because invariably someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. *Absolut* power, on the other hand, foolishly makes you believe there will be no repercussions for punching out your boss after that five-vodka-martini lunch.

The pay isn’t very good, but I sure have a lot of free time in my job as publicity director for Fight Club.

Apparently “resisting the urge to unleash vengeful wrath on my co-workers” is not something the employee review team deems a valid coming-year goal.

They don’t really want us to know it, but I’m sure that companies that design bathroom fixtures all have at least one guy whose job is to design fake poo for testing purposes.

If I were that famed limerick guy from Nantucket, I’d have made a lucrative career for myself in the adult entertainment industry. But I’d probably still do that other thing, too.

I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that makes me seem like a loser who couldn’t adapt to the changing business environment. So I tell them instead that I quit to spend more quality time with my kitty cats.

A bad day of skydiving is better than… No, come to think of it, a bad day of skydiving could be *really* bad. Okay then, a bad day of skydiving that’s not so bad as to involve ambulances is better than a good day at work.