A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger banging his wife.
The guy says, “Hey! What the hell is going on here!?!”
And his wife says to the stranger, “See? I told you he was stupid.”
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Me buying condoms
*Me buying condoms*
Pharmacist: Do you need a bag?
Me: No thanks, she’s beautiful
Pharmacist:
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A Trained Crocodile
A circus claims to have a truly unique attraction: a trained crocodile.
The crocodile shows some truly astonishing skills like jumping through a burning hoop, riding a bicycle, and even smoking a pipe.
At the end of the show, the crocodile’s trainer instructs the orchestra to play a dramatic flourish as he unzips his pants and places his member into the crocodile’s open mouth. The crocodile then gently closes its mouth until the trainer gives it a good, solid whack between the eyes, upon which the crocodile lets go of his member without as much as a scratch. The audience erupts in applause until the trainer gestures for them to be quiet.
“Any gentleman within the audience who is willing to repeat this, I will give them $1,000 in cash!” he proclaims. Nobody answers, so he ups the ante to $2,000, then $3,000 and even $4,000 until, when he calls out: “Alright, then, $5,000!” a man in the audience stands up.
“I’ll do it! But on one condition!”
“And what would that be?” asks the trainer.
“Don’t hit me between the eyes like that.”
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The Last Body of the Day
A mortician is working on the last body of the day before he’s going to call it quits. He is amazed by the size of this man’s penis.
He says to himself, “Well, Mr. Shecky Goldstein, you clearly have the largest penis I have ever seen. I’m going to have to take a photo of this to show to my wife.”
He takes the photo, finishes up for the day, and goes home. When he sees his wife, he immediately takes out his phone and shows her the photo of the penis.
She looks aghast, then cries out, “Oh my God, Shecky Goldstein is dead!”
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Two Dogs at the Vet
Two dogs are sitting in the waiting room of the veterinary office, reading their doggie magazines.
The first dog turns to the second. “So what are you here for?” the first dog asks.
“Well, you know how it is, being alone all day in a house?”
“I suppose so…”
“Let me tell you. When my owner comes home, I’m so excited to see her that I start humping the coffee table. She pulls me off, so I start humping the couch. She pulls me off, so I start humping my chew toy. So she brought me here to have me fixed.”
“Oh, I see…”
They go back to reading their doggie magazines.
After a while, the second dog turns to the first. “So what are you here for?”
“When my owner comes home, I’m so excited to see her that I start humping the coffee table. She pulls me off, so I start humping the couch. She pulls me off, I’m so excited that I start humping HER.”
“So, you’re here to get fixed too?”
“Nah, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
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The Man with the Headaches
A man suffered from headaches and didn’t realize it was due to a rare condition.
He went to multiple doctors, all of whom couldn’t give him an explanation or a solution to the headache. After years of the same symptoms, the man finally found a doctor who could fix the situation.
The doctor told him, “The good news is I can fix your headaches so you’ll never have them again. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, creating one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
The man was depressed because two of the three things that made him a man will be removed. Realizing he had no other choice, he agreed to the castration.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 10 years. He saw a tailor shop and thought, “A new suit is fit for a new man, and for my new beginning.”
After entering the shop, he asked the tailor for a new suit. The tailor said, “Hmm… Looking at you, you are size 44 long.” The man, surprised, asked, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business for over 50 years!” The man tried on the suit given and it fit perfectly.
The man, realizing he needed a shirt for the suit, asked for one. The tailor looked at him and said, “Hmm… you are a 35 sleeve and 16 neck.” Again, the man was surprised. “That’s right, how did you know?” The tailor responded again, “Been in the business for over 50 years!” The man tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
The tailor said, “How about some underwear?” The man was startled but realized the logic. Since he already got everything else, he said yes. The tailor looked at him and said, “Hmm… you are a size 36.”
The man laughed, catching the tailor. “Ah ha! You’re wrong! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.” The tailor shook his head. “No, buddy, you can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”
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Do women enjoy watching men masturbate
DO WOMEN ENJOY WATCHING MEN MASTURBATE
The ones on the 38 bus don’t.
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My favorite sex position is the JFK
MY FAVORITE SEX POSITION IS THE JFK
I SPLATTER ALL OVER HER WHILE SHE SCREAMS AND TRYS TO GET OUT OF THE CAR
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Holocaust survivor dies during trip to Auschwitz
Holocaust survivor dies during trip to Auschwitz
6,000,001
