“Fuck it, one shot of tequila won’t hurt”
3 hours later:
Man Kicked Out Of McDonalds For Putting His Dick In A Burger And Yelling “THIS IS REAL MEAT, YOU FUCKERS!”
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I Fucking Loved That Cat
My Chinese neighbours had waffles for breakfast.
Bastards I fucking loved that cat.
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Immune to Yo Momma Jokes
Me, a kid with two gay dads thinking I’m immune to “Yo momma” jokes:
Yo momma so ugly, your dad had to get a husband
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Jesus Invited Prostitutes to Dine With Him
Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him and he’s the light of the world, I do it and I’m “making Thanksgiving awkward.”
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Killing a Huge Mouse at Disneyland
Me: *Kills a huge mouse with a baseball bat*
Everyone else at Disneyland:
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Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet. More on this story as it unfolds.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet. More on this story as it unfolds.
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I signed up for my company’s 401K…but I’m not sure that I can run that far.
I signed up for my company’s 401K…but I’m not sure that I can run that far.
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Why don’t boxers have sex the night before their match?
Why don’t boxers have sex the night before their match? Because they hate each other.
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My Cousin Walter’s Pet Problem
A few months ago, my cousin Walter showed up at the emergency room with a cat lodged in his ass.
The family decided to write it off as a freak accident and agreed never to mention it again.
But a few days later, he was back in the hospital! Different cat. Same ass.
So yesterday, when I saw Walter at the pet store in the mall trying to buy another cat, I stopped him and said:
“Walter, every cat you buy ends up stuck in your ass. At this point, you have to admit the cats aren’t the problem.”
Walter sighed and replied:
“Okay, genius. How the hell do you suggest I get the gerbil out?”
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Superman’s Superspeed Rooftop Encounter
Superman is flying over Metropolis on a hot summer day, coming home from a mission.
Suddenly in the distance he sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a rooftop, completely nude. Superman thinks: “Man, she is so hot. I can fly down, fuck her with superspeed, and be back home with Lois in a few seconds without anyone noticing.”
So he speeds down there, does as planned and Wonder Woman only feels a rapid gush of wind and the building shaking.
“What on earth was that”, she stumbles.
The Invisible Man replies: “Fuck, I have no idea, but my ass suddenly hurts like hell!”
