if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Keep Dreaming Buddy
Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”
Which was super nice and unexpected of him.
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Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You
look what I found in my mother’s room
Aye man, I wouldn’t watch that if I were you
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Catch a Falling Star and Blackmail It
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Then tell it that unless you get a cool half-mil, you’ll sell to the highest tabloid bidder those embarrassing photos of it puking naked in the alley.
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Top 13 Signs a Cartoon Character Is a Terrorist (Part II)
The Top 13 Signs a Cartoon Character Is a Terrorist (Part II)
13. Maybe it’s the burqas, but there’s something unsettling about Jihad and the Pussycats.
12. Miss Hannigan is hard of hearing and thinks she has been promised 72 urchins.
11. You overhear “Eh, what’s up, bin Doc?”
10. Who else would have masterminded the tainted spinach outbreak last September?
9. You hear “Arriba! Arriba!” and look up to see an unattended, ticking package where there was nothing a moment before.
8. Cathy hasn’t packed on as many pounds over the years as you’d think: “Ack! This sweater won’t fit over my suicide belt!”
7. “I tawt I taw an imperialit devil. I did! I did see an imperialit devil!”
6. He’s on Al-Jazeera declaring, “Ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdeath to America!”
5. When that sociopathic, sadistic bitch once again yanks the football away from Charlie Brown, he cuts off her hands then has her stoned to death.
4. Your interrogators seem to think this Pinocchio character is lying.
3. “Duck season!” “Rabbit season!” “Duck season!” “Rabbit season!” “Rabbit season!” “DucKA-BOOOOOOOOOOM!”
2. Seen taking ACME BAT WING flying lessons without learning how to land.
1. “I will gladly pay you Tuesday for some mustard gas today.”
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Blossom and Piggy in Dublin
A priest was walking the streets of Dublin and came upon a little girl walking her dog. The little girl came up to the priest and smiled, so the priest inquired as to her name.
“Blossom,” said the little girl.
“Oh Jaysus, what a pretty name. How’d you come to be named that, dear?”
The little girl replied, “When my mother was pregnant with me she was walking through a park and a single flower blossom was carried by the wind and landed directly at her feet.”
“Oh, what a sweet story,” the priest beamed. “And what might be the name of your dog?”
“Piggy,” said the girl.
“And why was he named that?” asked the priest.
And the little girl says, “Because he fucks pigs.”
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You’ve Got a Friend in Me
The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:
You’ve got a friend IN ME.
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Your Dad Was Better at It
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
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Grandpa in the Hospital
A man goes to visit his grandpa in the hospital.
“How are you, grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.
“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”
“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet… and that’s it. I go out like a light.”
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Sister in charge.
“What are you people doing?” he says. “I’m told you’re giving a 95-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the Sister. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”
