Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Grandpa Lived to a Hundred

    An annoyed lady approaches Little Johnny after watching him eat a bag of candy for some time.

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    “You know little boy, eating that much candy isn’t good for you!”

    “Oh yeah, well my grandpa lived to be a hundred.”

    “Oh really? But did he eat a lot of candy?”

    “No, but he minded his own fucking business!”

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  • Little Johnny Vocabulary Check

    An older neighbor runs into Little Johnny as he’s coming home from school

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    “How are you, Johnny?”

    “Fine.”

    “And how is school?”

    “Fine.”

    “And how are your parents doing?”

    “Fine.”

    “Tell me, do you have any other words in your vocabulary besides ‘Fine’?”

    “Dad said I’m not allowed to say ‘Fuck Off’ yet.”

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  • Three Men Comparing How Dumb Their Blonde Wives Are

    Three men were comparing how dumb their blonde wives were.

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    The first man said, “My wife is so dumb, she can’t do math past the third-grade level!”

    The second man said, “Oh yeah? My wife is so dumb, she thinks Cheerios are earrings!”

    The third man said, “I’ve got you both beat! My wife is so dumb, she was packing to go on a girls trip last week, and she must have packed a hundred condoms. And she doesn’t even have a single penis!”

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  • Before the Crowbar Was Invented

    Before the crowbar was invented, I bet that crows used to just drink at home.

  • The Only Food That Can Make You Cry

    My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it. So I hit him in the face with a coconut.

  • Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick — A Perfect Match

    Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.

    Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.

  • Sexual Consultant

    A redneck tells his buddy, “Hey, I just got a promotion! I’m the boss’s sexual consultant.”

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    His buddy says, “Sexual consultant? How did you get that job?”

    And the redneck says, “I told the boss he should fire Jones in accounting. And the boss said, ‘When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.’”

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  • Like a Newborn Baby

    Two retired cops sit on a park bench watching the world go by.

    “You know, Tom,” one sighs, “my health is declining. My legs hurt when I stand, my back hurts when I sit, and my arms hurt when I reach for things. I feel like I’m falling apart! How are you feeling these days?”

    The second guy smiles broadly and says, “Honestly? I feel like a newborn baby!”

    “Really?!” the first guy gasps. “A newborn baby? How do you manage that?”

    “Well,” he grunts, “I have no hair, I have no teeth, and I just wet my pants!”

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  • The Weekend Hunter and the Swollen Eye

    A man leaves for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home afterward, he spends the entire weekend hunting with his buddies and blows his whole paycheck.

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    When he finally gets home Sunday night, his wife is furious. She spends the next two hours giving him an earful.

    Finally, she asks, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

    He replies, “That’d be fine with me.”

    Monday comes and goes, and he doesn’t see his wife.

    Tuesday and Wednesday pass with the same result.

    By Thursday, the swelling has gone down just enough for him to see her out of the corner of his left eye.

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  • Meeting the Parents and the Dog Named Rover

    A young man visits his girlfriend’s house and meets her parents for the first time. He feels a massive urge to pass gas, so he lets a small, quiet one out. The father immediately yells, “Rover!”

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    Thinking the dog took the blame, the man feels bold and lets out a second, louder rip. The father glares and shouts again, “ROVER!”

    Encouraged that his secret is safe, the man lets loose a massive, loud, stinky blast.

    The father yells, “ROVER, GET OUTTA THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ALL OVER YOU!”

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