My wife paid off our house and vehicles with her OnlyFans account.
She’s gonna freak when she finds out she has an OnlyFans account.
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Sound Advice
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
“It’s worth spending money on good speakers,” he told me.
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I didn’t think it hurt that much
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.” -
Parking fine
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice. -
Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
Now they have cameras everywhere
When I was young, you could go to the grocery store with two dollars in your pocket and come out with a loaf of bread, two dozen eggs, and a pound of butter.
Now, they have cameras everywhere. -
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
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And then I saw her face
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face… -
He ripped me off
You know that guy who made the movie “Super Size Me,” in which he gained 31 pounds after eating nothing but McDonald’s food for an entire month? That dude totally ripped me off. I did it first, except he filmed it or something.
