Delivery Style: comparative

Comparative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I like my women like I like my fastballs: high and tight

I like my women like I like my fastballs: high and tight.
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you

Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.
“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better

“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better with girdle sales than it does with penis enhancement products.
There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born

There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born every 30 seconds.
You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make

You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make themselves look bigger and more fearsome by flipping out those flaps around their heads? I’ll bet those things have tiny little dicks.
Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it

Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it would mean a LOT more work for me when I’m by myself, and that happens WAY more often.
In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my

In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you

Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you thinking about right now?” RIGHT answer: “Not much. just how much I love you.” CORRECT answer: “How much I love you giving it to Taylor Swift with a Hello Kitty strap-on in a kiddie pool full of tapioca pudding in my fantasies.”
I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and

I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and insistence of my scout master, the product is not named “KY-In-Tents”; 2) The experience is nothing like what they lead you to believe from those commercials.