Delivery Style: comparative

Comparative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with

You know how schoolkids love that cool magic trick where, with some sleight of hand, you make it look like you’re breaking off your finger, then — voila! — it’s back on again? Well, it turns out it’s not as popular when you try it with your penis.
To those guys who take a leak at the urinal hands-free, I have

To those guys who take a leak at the urinal hands-free, I have this to say: I *have* to hold mine to keep it from touching the urinal.
I got even with my ex-wife for dumping me for a guy with a

I got even with my ex-wife for dumping me for a guy with a bigger penis; I dumped HER for a woman with a MASSIVE vagina!
Life is like a box of popcorn: You really crave chocolate, but

Life is like a box of popcorn: You really crave chocolate, but instead get something hard and salty rammed down your throat.
Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but it turns out that a

Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but it turns out that a $50 gift card toward a vajazzling ensemble does not a good anniversary present make.
Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy

Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy Ruminations, hoping to score some points so they might get to bone her on the off chance they ever meet in person. Not me, though — I’m far too busy sending love sonnets to Mila Kunis’ vajayjay.
I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull

I don’t know why my wife complains so much. If I were a bull rider, lasting 8 seconds would win me a lot of rodeo competitions.
Nothing says “double standard” like pre-wedding celebrations:

Nothing says “double standard” like pre-wedding celebrations: Penis Tiara? Okay! Vagina Hat? Not so much.
I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those

I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those with two guys and one girl. It makes sense, given human nature: See, girls like variety while guys only like pussy.
Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the

Good: Saying “hello” and getting a smile in return from the lovely maid who arrives as you leave your extended-stay hotel room for a quick bite to eat. Bad: Realizing 10 minutes later that you left your wank rag and hotel lotion on the night stand. Again.