Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • We’ve All Got It

    “Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

    “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

    “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

    “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.

    “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”

    “Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

  • Five Million Dollar Savings Account

    A man walks into a bank.

    Goes up to the teller and says, “I’d like to open a damn savings account.”

    The teller says, “Sir, I’d be happy to help you, but this is a place of business — you can’t swear here.”

    The man replies, “I don’t care, just let me open a damn savings account.”

    The teller says, “Sir, that’s just inappropriate. If you keep talking to me that way I’ll have to get the manager.”

    The man says, “Why won’t you just open the damn savings account?”

    So the teller goes and gets the manager — he comes out and says, “Alright sir, I understand you’re swearing at my employee — what seems to be the problem here?”

    The man says, “I don’t have a problem — I just won 5 million dollars in the lottery and I want to open up a damn savings account!”

    The manager looks at the teller and back at the man and says, “And this motherfucker wouldn’t let you?”

  • Robin Hood Strength

    Robin Hood Strength

    Robin Hood: *Gives stolen gold to little boy*

    Little Kid: Thank you I’m rich now!

    Robin Hood:

    I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.

  • Broken Condoms Couch

    Broken Condoms Couch

    Him: Why are broken condoms on the couch?

    Her: Would you PLEASE start using our children’s real names?

  • Potato Peeler Thing

    Potato Peeler Thing

    Have you seen that potato peeler thing?

    She left you two days ago.

  • Sawed Off Shotgun Valentine

    Sawed Off Shotgun Valentine

    My son got suspended from school for asking a girl to be his valentine and chasing her with a sawed off shotgun

    #BoysWillBeBoys

  • Nothing Would Please Me More

    Nothing Would Please Me More

    Husband: I’m getting you diamonds for our anniversary

    Wife: Nothing would please me more

    Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*

  • Not Good Enough For Her Family

    A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says…

    “Wait, honey, there’s somethin’ I need you to know. I’m a virgin.”

    “WHAT THE FOOK?” The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out.

    He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her daddy’s house, where he dumps her in the yard.

    Then the man drives to his daddy’s house and goes inside.

    The dad sees his son, and says, “What the hell you doin’ here, boy? Ain’t you supposed to be with your new bride?”

    “Well, pa,” the son says, “I was, but she told me she’s still a virgin.”

    “Well holy dog-shit,” says the dad, “What’d you do then?”

    “I punched her in the face and knocked her out, wrapped her up in the sheets, drug her down the stairs and out the door, threw her in the back of my pick up, and then drove on to her daddy’s house and dumped her on the lawn.”

    The dad starts laughing, and, patting his son on the back, he says, “Good job, son. If she ain’t good enough for her family, I say she ain’t good enough for ours neither.”

  • Something I Dont Know

    Something I Dont Know

    hmm.. lovely weather today

    pft

    tell me something I don’t know

    your Grandma’s ass can take my whole fist..

  • Biscuits And Gravy

    Biscuits And Gravy

    I’LL DO ANYTHING YOUR WIFE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DO, BABY.

    CAN YOU MAKE BISCUITS AND GRAVY?