I’m surprised I’ve never seen a Facebook status update reading, “Rubbing one out… typing this with one hand.” Well, I guess SOMEone’s gotta do it.
Delivery Style: misdirection
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I’m not sure who to call — the patent office? Not to show my
I’m not sure who to call — the patent office? Not to show my hand too soon, but I think I figured out a cheap and easy way to make wet tissues at home.
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end my workout with a money shot
end my workout with a money shot.
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I exercise the same way I make love: I go all out each and every
I exercise the same way I make love: I go all out each and every time. So I’m surprised that the guys in my gym don’t appreciate it when I
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If I masturbated any more, I’d be a teenage boy. A hot, muscled,
If I masturbated any more, I’d be a teenage boy. A hot, muscled, hard-bodied teenaged boy. Uh, BRB…
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My girlfriend has the best tits EVER. Don’t take my word for it
My girlfriend has the best tits EVER. Don’t take my word for it — ask her husband.
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the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.”
the blank in the adage, “Absence makes the _____ grow _____.” Turned out that my reply “penis” and “harder” was not the correct one.
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I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more
I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more like fucking all the time?
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My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The
My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The dude in line in front of him at Starbucks doesn’t like it nearly as much, though.
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When people call me a “fucking idiot,” I consider it a
When people call me a “fucking idiot,” I consider it a compliment. After all, it’s my life’s ambition to do nothing but fuck like an idiot all day long.
