A man goes to the therapist and says…
“Doctor, you got to help me. My wife is unfaithful to me. Every night, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up a man.
She sleeps with anybody who asks her. I can’t take this anymore!”
The therapist says:
“Relax. Take a deep breath, sit down, and tell me exactly, where’s Larry’s bar?”
I had to fire the guy who mows my lawn.
He just wasn’t cutting it.
Did you hear about the butcher who fell backwards into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
My wife accused me of cheating after she found all of the letters I had hidden.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.
“The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.
The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.
Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.
Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”
Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.
“How much are those toys?”
“The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”
“Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”
Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”
“SOLD! I’ll take it!”
An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.
“It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”
After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.
I do a lot of illegal things…
But graffiti is where I draw the line.
My girlfriend ran away screaming when she saw I had a huge penis.
Now the police are involved asking weird questions like “Who does it belong to?” and “Where is the rest of him?”
