Delivery Style: observational

Observational joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

Some words just don’t sound like what they mean. For instance,

Some words just don’t sound like what they mean. For instance, “Kalashnikov” is surely some kind of sexual perversion. And if “autofellatio” isn’t the name of a weapon, it oughta be.
I love it when you say things at work that can sound dirty, like

I love it when you say things at work that can sound dirty, like “When do you get off?” or “Hey, wanna fuck me on the copier?”
I’d imagine one of the cooler aspects of working in a crime lab

I’d imagine one of the cooler aspects of working in a crime lab is that you could tell with 99.916% accuracy what douchenozzle co-worker keeps shedding his corkscrew pubes all over the urinal.
Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and

Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and you’re miles away from the ladies’ room and your panties are bunching up and on top of everything else, your balls itch, too?
Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a

Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a standing ovation, but “that don’t help the houses get built!” according to my douchebag Habitat for Humanity supervisor.
I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to

I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to sort of artfully slip my heel in several times until it felt just right. That’s when I thought to myself: This is a lot like fucking.
I’d love it if some strippers banded together for a “Tits For a

I’d love it if some strippers banded together for a “Tits For a Cure” fundraiser/awareness project for some kind of disease or cause or something. I could sure get on board with that.
I’ve found that a good way to get out of a boring staff meeting

I’ve found that a good way to get out of a boring staff meeting well in advance is to warn all parties about the potential of a “brutal mudbutt incident.”
If they were serious about marketing hair care products to men,

If they were serious about marketing hair care products to men, they’d promote a shampoo that
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.

(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.