One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Gators vs. Crocs: Timing is Everything!

What’s the difference between an alligator, and a crocodile?

One you will see later; the other after a while.

I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.

I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…

So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”

But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”

My neighborhood barber was just arrested for selling drugs.

I was a customer for seven years. I never knew he was a barber.

I got fired because my boss said I was handing out too many free samples.

That’s the last time I get a job at a sperm bank.

What do you call a psychic little person who escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.

I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.

If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.

Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!